unstoppableSelf-healing. No feelings.
It detects a problem, fixes the problem, and quietly moves on. An emotional maturity your last vendor could only dream of.
Recovery before the panicBUILT FOR THE UNREASONABLY RELIABLE
Downtime has
left the chat.
Meet the product that just. keeps. going.
Eight nines of
uptime. Zero 3 a.m. incidents.
A deeply uneventful future
awaits.
No credit card. No pager. No character development.
ALL SYSTEMS UNBOTHERED
built different.mostly out of spite.
CONTRACTUALLY CHILL99.999999%UPTIME. PINKY PROMISE.
8 nines.Because five felt a little casual.
0 incidents.Our post-mortems are pre-mortems.
100% unbothered.Your on-call engineer, finally.
boring is thenew brilliant.
THEY TRUST US.* THEY KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT DOWNTIME.
GitHub
ANTHROPIC
Windows
aws
CLOUDFLARE
*Spiritually. These are fictional endorsements. Their status pages were our inspiration.
LESS FIRE FIGHTING. MORE LIVING.
Reliability, with an
unfair advantage.
Everything you need to keep the lights on.
Even when someone
unplugs the lights.
Backups for our backups.
Multi-region. Multi-cloud. Mildly excessive. If a data center disappears, we consider it a team-building exercise.
No single point of fingersPut your pager to bed.
Deploy on a Friday. Take a real vacation. Introduce yourself to your family. We handle the part that used to keep you up.
Sleep is a featureTHE SMALL PRINT. BIGGER.
Five nines?
How quaint.
Our 99.999999% SLA gives you an annual downtime budget of 0.315 seconds. Just enough time to wonder if something went wrong.
It didn’t.
Read the very confident fine print eight is a perfectlyreasonable number.
THE NINES-O-METER™
How reliable is “reliable”?
99.999999%0.315 secondsof downtime per year
Less than a blink. More than we’re comfortable with.
365 days. One extremely underworked incident team.
PLEASE DO NOT BE GENTLE
Go on.
Make our day.
Every vendor says they’re resilient.
We brought a big red
button.
A tiny simulation. An enormous amount of confidence.
unstoppable / incident-room
Operational. Obviously.
system Eight nines accounted for.
system Coffee is warm. Pager is quiet.
ready Waiting for your worst idea
INCIDENTS AVOIDED
0
RELIABILITY YOU CAN EXPENSE
Cheaper than your next outage.
And significantly easier to explain to your board.
CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC
Probably fine.
For side projects with main-character energy.
$0/ forever-ish
- Five perfectly respectable nines
- One project, infinite ambition
- Community-powered reassurance
UNREASONABLY RELIABLE
Unstoppable.
For teams who have been through enough.
$99/ month
- All eight nines. Every single one.
- Unlimited hypothetical disasters
- 24/7 support with nothing to do
- Your weekends, returned to you
PROCUREMENT FRIENDLY
Inconceivable.
For organizations with a committee for this.
Let’s talk/ extensively
- Everything in Unstoppable
- A dedicated person named Dave
- Your logo in a very serious PDF
- Enough paperwork to feel safe
HEALTHY SKEPTICISM WELCOME
Good questions.
Confident answers.
our legal teamhas left the chat, too.
Does it really never crash?
That is the promise of our entirely fictional product. This site is a parody of reliability marketing. The actual app is a small Express server, subject to the ordinary laws of computers and power outlets.
What happens if you miss the SLA?
Our fictional policy offers a service credit, a handwritten apology, and a ninth nine on the house. No actual service contract or uptime guarantee is offered.
Do those companies really use Unstoppable?
No. The “they trust us” section is a joke, not a customer list. The companies are not affiliated with this page and have not endorsed it. We wish their on-call teams a peaceful evening.
Can I actually buy this?
There is nothing to buy, no account to create, and no payment to make. Every plan comes with the same interactive demo and an entirely imaginary sense of security.
MAKE BORING YOUR COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE.